White House Can’t Afford Its Shapeshifting Alien Reptile Guards

A shapeshifting reptile from outer space guards President Obama, according to a new conspiracy video. Yet according to the White House, the extraterrestrial heft behind Obama’s protection detail is a mere allegation — and one that congressionally mandated budget cuts would have to ax, anyway.

If you believe the video above, recently posted to YouTube, the White House deployed at least one reptile guard as recently as this month. The narrator, using a text-to-speech program, suggests a bald-headed G-Man protecting Obama during his March 4 speech to the American Israel Public Affairs Committee “could be a shapeshifter alien humanoid working for the powers that be, caught in a high-definition video during an event of the Zionist cabal.”

Could be. It’s certainly fodder for Tinfoil Tuesday, Danger Room’s occasional look at the internet’s most insane conspiracy theories.

The White House dismissed the alien bodyguards as too costly in this era of budgetary austerity. “I can’t confirm the claims made in this video, but any alleged program to guard the president with aliens or robots would likely have to be scaled back or eliminated in the sequester,” Caitlin Hayden, the chief spokeswoman for the National Security Council, e-mails Danger Room. “I’d refer you to the Secret Service or Area 51 for more details.” We are journalistically obligated to observe that this isn’t a flat denial.


Check out the evidence for the reptiles-from-space theory. The video’s narrator teases: “Even though at first sight he looks like the average Secret Service spook, a series of odd features on his head, face, plus a very strange behavior and creepy movements suggest something else.” Next, another view of the agent — from another angle at a distance and in low lighting — makes him appear slightly different. His head is still swiveling back and forth, with his eyes on the crowd. “His ears, his nose, his chin, cheekbone, jaw and mouth are no longer looking human at all,” the narrator observes.

Conclusion: The agent must be “shapeshifting into some sort of reptilian, nonhuman form,” since that’s a logical explanation. The narrator suggests technology used by the agent to keep his true identity hidden might have glitched out. All this is new evidence of a collaboration between a conspiratorial elite and “at least one extraterrestrial race” that is “pulling the strings of mankind.”

more here: http://www.wired.com/dangerroom/2013/03/secret-service-reptile-aliens/